My mother wiped the tears from her eyes. She always tried to hide her pain. She’s the strongest woman I know. Nothing ever got her down. Except for this; her daughter was going to die. That statement could crumble any parent. “We will get through this, Kate. We will figure something out.” I wanted so badly to believe her; I really did. We sat and talked about medical arrangements and what needed to be done if worse came to worst. We laughed and cried. We played with my son. He wasn’t fully aware of the situation. We just told him that I was sick and needed medicine. I mean, how else do you explain to a child that their mommy may not be here in a month? I can’t think this way. I know I shouldn’t but when you have a child and his life is in your hands, it’s hard not to think about an outcome where your hands won’t be there to catch him when he falls. My mom stood up and looked towards the door. She turned back at me and smiled. I cocked my head to the side and squinted at her. “What?” She chuckled. “That cute cop seems to be sweet on you.” I blushed. “Yeah, you caught that too, huh?” She smiled. “Kate, you know it took the paramedics forty-five minutes to get to you. Derek gave you CPR until they arrived. Not once did he stop.” I looked at her in shock. She gave a small nod. “When you were brought here, Derek looked so scared for you. I allowed him to be in the room when Dr. Byers gave us the news about your heart. I looked at him and I watched his body shatter into a million pieces. His eyes turned red and tears welled up but not a single tear dropped.” I closed my eyes and tried to imagine those beautiful brown eyes crying; I couldn’t.
My son jumped onto the bed and started singing, “I’m hungry! I’m so hungry! I’m starving!” We bursted out laughing. He gave me a peck on the cheek as my mom scooped him up in her arms. “I’m going to take him to get something to eat, We’ll be back in an hour or so. If you need anything, call me. OK?” I nodded and gave them both a big hug and kiss. After they left, I let out a huge sigh. My whole body was weak and I was so tired. I stared out the window to my left and watched clouds float by. A small knock at the door pulled me from my daze. It was Derek. I gave a small smile. He looked behind him to the left then the right. He looked back at me and pulled out a bag. Printed on the front in big blue letters was the word ‘donuts’. I giggled as he crept into the room like a vintage burglar from a black and white film. I scooted over in the bed and tapped the empty space next to me for him to sit. He obliged. “I didn’t know what you liked so I got a few things. I hope that’s OK. The doc said it was fine.” I smiled and thanked him. We sat there eating donuts in silence. Every once in a while I would catch him staring at me. His hand was twitching like he wanted to touch my hand. I rested my head on his chest. He inhaled deep and leaned back in the bed. I could hear his healthy heart beating fast. I think he knew I was listening because he said, “I would give you mine in a heartbeat. If it even gave you just a little more time with your family I would do it.” He kissed the top of my head and inhaled but his breath hitched. I looked up and his eyes were red. Tears formed up in his eyes. He placed his right hand over his face and exhaled slowly. I sat up and pulled his hand away from his face. I caressed his face, soaking in his features. I peered deep into his eyes and looked right back into mine. “We will figure this out, Derek. I’m not giving up without a fight.”
Comments