I sat there trying to interpret what Dr. Byers had just said. I was in shock. “What do you mean he died? Besides the reason he was here, he looked fine. I JUST spoke to him! I don’t understand. How did this happen?” I started to become scared that what happened to Bill could happen to me. I was going to have surgery in an hour. What if that happens to me? Derek could feel me shaking so he wrapped his arm around my waist. Dr. Byers looked up from his glasses and said, “We don’t know exactly what happened to Bill but I think he made his peace. He had been having problems with his pacemaker for some time now. It was an old model that had been outdated. We were in the process of getting him a new one that wasn’t defected like the old one he had in his chest. I have been trying to get Bill to come in for a couple of years now and each time, he would refuse. I don’t know what convinced him to finally come in. I wish he would have come sooner. Maybe we could have prevented this from happening.” Dr. Byers looked down at his hands in his lap. He was twirling his thumbs around each other in circles. He appeared hurt. I choked back tears and asked the inevitable question. “Dr. Byers, could this happen to me? I mean, is it possible that I could...you know...die before surgery? Or DURING surgery?” Derek flinched at the question. Dr. Byers sat straight up and answered, “Kate, I am your doctor and I will never lie to you. Yes, there is a possibility that that could happen. All kinds of complications can occur before, during or after surgery. You have discussed all of this with the nurses but it’s best you hear it from me. I have never lost a transplant patient. I have a one hundred percent success rate. I am the best in the area so you are in good hands.” I relaxed after he said that. “I’m going to get your paperwork so we can get started on pre-op. Relax and try not to worry. You’re going to be just fine.” Dr. Byers got up and left the room. I leaned back into the bed and glanced over at Derek. His eyes met with mine. He smiled but this time, the happiness didn’t reach is eyes. I cocked my head to the side and looked at him puzzled. Derek closed his eyes, pinched the space between his eyes and inhaled deep. When he exhaled, his hand dropped down. I sat up to face him while grabbing his face. Derek opened his eyes and tears were streaming down his face; his eyes bloodshot. “What is it?” I was worried. He wiped his face and replied, “I know I’m supposed to be a man and be strong for you. I’m supposed to support you and be there for you. I can’t help but shake the feeling of fear.” I furrowed my eyebrows confused. “What do you mean? What feeling of fear?” He looked into my eyes and said, “I’m afraid of losing you, Kate. I’m so scared that you are going to go into surgery and I’ll be waiting in the waiting room. I’m scared that Dr. Byers is going to bring me bad news.” Derek’s face fell into his hands and he began to weep. I hugged him and replied, “Listen, everything is going to be just fine. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. You have my heart too, you know?” He nodded in agreement. Derek picked up his head, kissed me and lowered his head into mine. We sat there for a moment before he whispered, “I love you, Kate.” My heart fluttered with excitement. I opened my eyes and Derek was staring at me. I smiled. “I love you so much Derek.” He kissed me and scooped me up into a warm embrace. A knock on the door sucked us out of our little bubble of happiness. It was the surgical team. Dr. Byers stepped forward and asked, “Are you ready for your new heart?” I nodded. The nurses unlocked the brakes on my bed and began to wheel me out of the room. Derek held my hand as we made our way to the surgical wing. We came up to a pair of big double doors. Dr. Byers looked at Derek and said, “This is where you say ‘see you later’ and go wait in the lobby.” I pulled Derek’s hand and asked, “Please keep an eye on my mother and son. She needs CONSTANT updates, please?” He nodded and kissed my hand. One of the nurses pressed a large silver button and the doors swung open. They began rolling me through the doorway while Derek held my hand. He held my hand until he couldn’t reach anymore. I blew him a kiss and a thumbs up. The nurses got me prepped and ready for transplant. They brought out a mask and asked me to inhale deep and countdown from ten. They placed the mask over my nose and mouth as I started to count. “Ten, nine ...eight …...sev...en…”
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