A high-pitched sound rang through my ears. Echoes of the doctors words rippled through my body. “You won’t survive this. Your heart is deteriorating. You won’t survive this.” I inhaled very deep and exhaled quickly. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes. “How much time do I have?” Dr. Byers stepped towards my bedside and replied, “Not very long. Without the transplant, at the rate of the deterioration, at best, you have a solid month. Maybe less. I’m so sorry Kate. We need to start paperwork to get you on the transplant list.” I looked down and nodded. There was a knock on the door. It was Derek. He smiled at me and his smile went from his lips and reached to his eyes. No sign of that stupid solemn look. He walked to my bedside and sat down. Dr. Byers excused himself and left. Derek and I sat there, just staring at each other. Something deep down felt like I had known Derek but it wasn’t from this lifetime. I grabbed his hand to help me sit up in the bed. I didn’t let go; neither did he. “I’ve never met you before the accident. How do I know you, Derek?” He smiled and answered, “I wish I knew, Kate. I really wish I knew.” I stroked the top of his hand with my thumb. “I might be crazy but this doesn’t feel foreign. It feels... familiar.” Derek pulled my hand up to his face and kissed the top of my hand and grinned. “I agree. I feel like a nutcase. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure it out. I’m as lost as you Kate.” I looked over to my left watching the heart monitor beep. That was MY heart. MINE. How could my body betray me like this? I was healthy. I have a baby and he needs me. Oh God. My baby. My body shuddered. How can I tell him? How will he survive without me? I’m his mother. I drew my knees to my chest and began to sob. I wasn’t ready to go. It’s not my time yet. Derek sat down on the bed next to me and pulled me to his chest. He squeezed me and stroked my hair. I need to see my mother. I want my mom. I looked up at Derek with tears streaming down my face. His face was twisted like I had just shattered his heart. In truth, mine shattered too.“ I want to see my mom. I have to talk to her.” Derek kissed the top of my head and nodded. “I’ll go get her.” I pulled his hand back and asked, “Does she know everything?” Derek kissed my hand and nodded. My crippling, betraying heart dropped into my stomach. He walked out of the room and for the first time; I was alone. I’ve read about transplant lists and it could take YEARS to find a suitable donor. I don’t have years; not even months. I have thirty days or less. There was so much I wanted to do with my life. I have to raise my son. My baby needs me. He can’t live without his momma. I don’t want to leave him behind. The more I stressed about what was going on, the more I cried. Five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. The door creaked open and Derek poked his head in. “Your mom is here. She brought your son too. Should I let them in?” I nodded my head. He opened the door all the way and my son bolted past Derek. I stretched my arms out and squeezed him. He squeezed my neck and said, “I missed you mommy. I love you so much!” Uncontrollable tears fell down my face. I looked into my child’s eyes. His silly smile made me warm on the inside. I looked over at my mom as she walked over to the right of the bedside. She sat down on the bed and leaned over to hug me. I collapsed and began to weep. My mom held me tighter than anyone. I looked into her eyes and said, “What am I gonna do, Momma?”
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